When we think of a romantic relationship we get a smile on our faces with some
sweet desire in our hearts. This relationship is something for which we have to wait
for quite a long time in our life as other relationships such as mother and father
or brother or sister is something we get by the time of our birth. Marriage is one of the
lasting relationships which we humans have to choose between ourselves or with help of our
family members. Martial relationship is quite essential for both genders where
men have to give space to a woman in his life and family and the woman has to leave
her home and family members and has to get settled in a new area.
Nowadays marriage function starts with a lot of ritual events and high
expectations(such as where is your after-marriage honeymoon destination or to
what you got when you met all your new family members) but in meanwhile we
forget that marriage is also about being together with your partner in all ups and
downs of his or her life. Well most people will say that we knew this while
we were getting married but knowing and experiencing are two different
things.
Once you are in the marriage, your all previous planning seems like an
inappropriate one and you have to plan a more realistic behavior to face this
new situation.
Here I am going to discuss some of the important points we must consider in
marital relationship.
1. DON’T COMPLAIN OR TRY TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER - Believe in life and let
live phrase.
In this cosmos two stones made by god cannot be identically the same so how can
two individuals be the same? When you feel your partner is doing something
which you don’t like remember you both had two different family environments
and belief systems. He can`t behave the way you want them to . Instead, before you
start your relationship, talk about whats your priorities with your partner, take
time, and discuss them with your family as well. It is better to ask rather than doing
mistakes.
Even after marriage remember if he/she is committing mistakes it is just
because they are human and they can`t meet the idea of your life partner fully
because you created the idea before you met them. If his habits and attitude are
something that is negligible for you then try to focus on what good he or she
has (overlooking small errors in relationships can work as a healer). If something
bothers you it's good to communicate. Don’t talk about why what you think is
right instead talk about why they think what they do is right. Once you know their
intention or reason you will be able to see the other side of the coin. Even if you can't
relate to their reason respect their reason and say what you think rest leave to
them. Remember you can't change the person if they are not ready to do so. Give
them time and let them decide. There may be possibilities that they will not
understand but you have done your part. Understand the difference between
pointing and poking.
2. IT's OKAY TO GET IRRITATED - If two people will stay together there will be
sometimes when they will get irritated or disappointed with each other. Every fight
or argument will help you to discover a different side of your partner. Love and
lovemaking take a backseat in a marriage after some time, what takes the front
seat is respect trust dignity understanding, and never giving-up attitude. Whenever
you are arguing you just can't say every word which comes to your mouth; if you
do so you are going to regret it later. If you are really angry take a pause for a
moment, leave the place, and tell your mind you don’t want to feel guilty later. Karma will
work, if I am brutally angry with someone I will receive the same now or later. Anger
is a basic emotion that can't be finished and as it is a basic emotion it can be
controlled or balanced.I have heard people talking about I have to finish my anger
it is possible but you will not be a human you will become a saint and also it is not
an easy practice either. For living a healthy life we need to balance our anger.
3. DON’T COMPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS – Two different
ingredient create different results you can't get the same with different ingredients. You
and your friends can be quite similar but your behavior attitude and destiny cant
be identically the same. The way we speak creates a huge impact and to whom we
speak also.If you will change your way you will get a different response.You
need to be at your level while you speak,if you're going below your level just to
match the other person remember accepting the responsibilities of the other party
will become more difficult and heartbroken because your inner-self will not
accept the reaction.
Social media WhatsApp status just shows us the positive side of the
relationship. A healthy relationship is not about positivity but it's about balancing
healthy between positivity and negativity. When you feel unfortunate to be in
this relationship remember the good times. We are not born in life just to live
happy days but to discover who we are or realize our inner-self by facing
suffering. Ups and downs in our life tell us that we are heading toward a wonderful life.
4. DON’T LOOSE YOUR EMOTIONAL BALANCE - Live in the world but don’t
allow the world to live within you. Do good with the people and inlaws and feel
blessed to be in a giver's position whether you are giving emotion/money/respect
or labor. The giver is always bigger than the receiver. As well as giver must give as per
his/her limit because the receiver doesn’t have any limit.
You need to fix your pain on your own. Don't expect anyone to come and console
you. You know your feelings well, but explaining your exact feelings to others seems
difficult. So when you know all your feelings try to fix your problem as you know
your priorities well.If you ever feel suffocated in a relationship, open up to your
trustworthy family members and friends. They might not understand or may not
give the solution and don’t go with this expectation. Once you will express your
feeling you will feel relieved and you can think about your situation from a different
angle.It is you who is going to take the final decision. Change because you want to not
foe the sake of others.
5. STOP ASSUMING - The habit of making assumptions can kill your
relationship. Even in the worst scenario first, ask the person or let the person speak
first. Just because you will assume you will judge the person incorrectly.This
the assumption may sound like blame or allegation to the other person. Even when
you assume keep yourself quiet until you know the actual reason.
6. REJECT AND BE READY TO GET REJECTED - It's obvious that you will not like
some of your partner's ideas. It's okay to disagree but in a respectful way. What you
say it may feel bad to your partner but if you feel it's necessary to say it to save your
relationship you must go on. In this world, any relationship is not just to please you
but it also allows you to learn at each stage of your life. Be ready to learn, the
more open you are to new experiences or changes the better transformations
you will see in your personality.
7. DON’T LOOSE HOPE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP - Each day is new each situation
is different. Just because you are depending on your past experience and behaving
in your past knowledge you are missing the newness of the present situation.
Deep hopelessness in relationships can work as precipitating factor for the sense of
unworthiness. Hope enhances our effort. Be hopeful about your destiny as it is
directly connected with the law of attraction. Hope and faith work as the pillar for
a balanced life.
8. FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE - Money is not everything and money can't buy
happiness but at the same time a certain amount of money is necessary to fulfill
your daily needs too. Once your basic physiological needs are fulfilled, then you
can think about your Psychological needs too.
Financial independence is important for both partners. If you are independent
you can spend money as per your desire and help your family as per your
wish. Earning and learning make you a strong person. As well as your children will
respect you if you earn and contribute to family expenses. Set an example in front
of your kids of how to earn money in a respectful way. If both the partners work
the pressure of financial expenses becomes less on each partner.
9. SELF-CARE - Every day we get lots of negative thoughts, for being positive all
day we need to spend some time on our self-care too. Take out 5 to 10 minutes in
your daily routine for yourself. Use this time for expressing your suppressed
emotions through Art( drawing, painting) Music ( singing or listening), Dance,
Games (you like to play as your stress buster such as cricket, Or table tennis) and
nature walk. If you don't have any suppressed feelings then spend this time by
listening, reading, and watching something positive and enlightening.
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. If you are feeling positive, you will receive
positivity from the environment and if you are feeling negative, you will receive
negativity from the environment. Our thought process guides our perception and
perception guides our thought process, vis-a-vasa. As per our perception, we call
some even challenges and some opportunities. Meaning created by ourselves
makes the difference. Sometimes challenges become more prominent then
opportunities. It is just because we are attracted to negative emotions or
irrational belief which is guide us in that way.
Sometimes changing your perception can solve your problem as sometimes
negative blocked the positive possibility.
10. PATIENCE - In life we don't get immediate answers to our questions. It is
possible that sometimes you get confused about that are you standing with the right
person in your life. When you feel things are not going as per your plan just stay
calm and handle the situation patiently. In life, we get some answers or reasons
with time. As Gautam Buddha said, everything happens for a reason. Don't
question it, trust it.
The meaning and experience of marriage are different for every individual. With every
the challenge in your relationship you get an option that you want to rebuild/recreate
or recycle your relationship or you want to fall into despair, disappointment or
distress.
If you suffer it is because of you, if you feel blissful it is because of you. Nobody
else is responsible. only you and you alone. You are your hell and heaven too.
Post by @Anjali Seth (Counseling Psychologist)
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